


Star Light, Star Bright

by Junebug1312



Series: Tumblr Prompts [11]
Category: Crankiplier - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Confessions, Hurt, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:07:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26335396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Junebug1312/pseuds/Junebug1312
Summary: Prompt: Ethan over the years really excited to get to work with Mark, having feelings for him, and at first Mark is super nice and stuff but over time his real personality changes to the “I’m better than you” bit he does and it turns out it’s not a bit. Like after they put away the cameras Ethan immediately gets pretty depressed and thinks back to when his inspiration was someone to look up to? And he still has feelings for Mark but wishes he didn’t
Relationships: Mark Fischbach/Ethan Nestor
Series: Tumblr Prompts [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1699807
Comments: 10
Kudos: 214





	Star Light, Star Bright

**Author's Note:**

> I added a little happy ending to this cause I hate to end things on angst! Hope anon still approves :)

_Walking out that door into the brisk summer night was the hardest thing Ethan had to do. He held onto that thought as he slammed his car door shut and held back throaty sobs, his hands trembling around the steering wheel. When he had wandered naturally into Mark's life, he never expected it to result in this. Peering out the window at Mark standing on his porch, eyes glassy with emotion taunting Ethan to forgive him. Where could they go from here?_

* * *

It all started with a backflip and far too much time on his hands. He was nineteen and awestruck by how glamorous the whole Youtube gig appeared. His bedtime landed sometime between three and four in the morning due to his obsession with watching Youtube as well as daydreaming (night dreaming?) about working as an editor for one of his favourites. Safe to say he was wildly naive and looking for guidance.

He had started his own Youtube channel and invested all his time into it trying to become a big personality like Mark, whom he ended up staying in contact with after the second backflip. He shared his passion for editing with Mark over various conversations, discussing effects and editing programs and how all Ethan wanted was to do it professionally. Mark shared things with him as well, his goals for his Youtube account and how much he cared about his job after the long struggle it took to gain success. He was Ethan's support and unbeknown to him, the man who forced Ethan to question his sexuality. While older by eight years Ethan's stomach fluttered whenever they would Skype or even after simply seeing his name pop up on his phone. He checked into every stream and every video, even going as far as buying merch though Mark promised he would send some out for free. 

What started as a harmless crush grew into a full-fledged obsession with Mark but he had no plans to ever act on those feelings. Yet the world loved playing practical jokes and on a cloudy day in May, his reality trembled under his feet when Mark texted him a simple request.

_Come to L.A and work as my editor_

Ethan couldn't refuse. Even if it was a pity job or given to him solely based on friendship instead of talent Ethan didn't have it in him to care. And so in the next year, he was out with Mark and occupying a space in his guest room for the time being. 

"Honestly I'm glad you're here" Mark exclaimed, setting down a plate of spaghetti in front of Ethan at the bar, "It's been quiet in the house"

Ethan's cheeks warmed at the comment. Mark's recent relationship had ended after a few months of dating and while Mark ensured that he was over it there was a glaze of wallowing that sunk his face in. It was clear Mark spent most of his nights editing till late proven by the dark circles shading his skin.

"I'm happy to be here" Ethan commented holding back the nerves from entering his voice.

Mark smiled genially and clinked his glass against Ethan's which was still lying on the counter and ended up spilling a bit off the top. Ethan giggled as Mark cursed quietly and tried harder than anything to not stare at the crinkles etched around Mark's smile.

For the next few months, Mark and he grew closer and closer and Ethan's feelings only swelled. Took up space in his chest like balloons lifting him up. He felt the best and worst he ever had. With each smirk sent his way or rare compliment given by Mark Ethan was losing every reason to not tell Mark how he felt. He pushed away the age gap, their intertwined careers and left sexuality completely out of the building. But then the moment would fade and Ethan's brain would reel through the million reasons it would be incredibly damaging. People liked his editing and his own channel was taking off due to showing up in a few of Mark's videos meaning things were going well. So what if Ethan rewatched Mark's videos nightly just so he could have a chance to unashamedly stare at his bright eyes?

Everything was perfect and eventually, months turned into years and Ethan's feelings had been maintained at a simmer. He got better at acting careless and animated to take away from the pricking need to look at Mark. Still, that kid seeking guidance from his inspiration and now...friend didn't fade away like he assumed it would. Mark stayed humble, bought fast cars that screamed wealthy but kept it on the down-low, boasted about his white van instead. He helped Ethan find an apartment and thanked him for his hard work when Ethan told Mark he was going to start working on his own channel rather than edit for Mark.

"I'm happy for you Ethan really" Mark murmured into his shoulder as they hugged, "You're more talented than half the people on Youtube and you've got the drive for it"

Ethan breathed in Mark's heavy cologne to stop himself from kissing him and promised Mark they would hang out soon. But Mark didn't call as often as he assured and soon they became friends that texted once a month and nothing more. This helped Ethan as much as it hurt him. He could feel their connection slipping away from him which took along his heavy attraction with it. Life was manageable without Mark but not as fun...not as bright. Mark took all the stars out of his night sky and tucked them into his pocket which made Ethan's life bleak and dismal. Collabs were far and few between and they always included Tyler, Amy and/or Katheryn. It wasn't easy or natural like it used to be, everything felt like a schedule. Yet he still yearned for those precious moments when Mark's mouth would crinkle like it did that night so many moon's ago laughing at one of Ethan's silly jokes. 

He was pathetic. He knew that. But he also knew that he'd take pathetic over lonely and with Mark Ethan felt as far away from lonely as could be achieved. He could deal with pockets of time where Mark was his even if he wasn't Mark's.

On another fateful day, Ethan decided to film a video testing different peanut butter' when halfway through he came upon a realization. He needed a baseline and while he could have called Amy or Brian to come film only one name popped into his head. After a speedy phone call and fifteen minutes, Mark was there in his apartment. Last time he had seen it was when Ethan first moved in with Katheryn and they had a small party. One where Mark couldn't drink so Ethan stayed sober too and spent up until midnight playing Uno with him while the rest of the guests grew inebriated. Mark called later and said he felt bad for ruining his night and wasting his time and Ethan almost laughed into the phone...or rather laughed to stop from crying. Because dammit if spending a single moment in Mark's presence wasn't a whole night's worth of productivity in his mind.

Partying was supposed to make you tired but he had never felt so free and loose. Like he had been drenched in icy water, his veins pumping with fresh blood. Mark made him feel like bodies were just bodies and words were just words and they didn't need either to connect them. Their hearts pounded together as one in synchronicity and Ethan could hear all of his feelings loud and clear. Didn't need flesh and bone or broken stutterings of lame jokes that were only spoken to see that stupid fucking smile. Why couldn't Mark understand that it was him? Everything around Ethan was _him_. Saw his eyes in the darkness of his cold brew and his laugh in the chirping of the birds. But Ethan simply said, "I'm tired Mark" and hung up, a hole as big as the solar system Mark loved so much tearing him apart inside. 

From that peanut butter video came Unus Annus. A creation of reckless abandonment produced in a Buffalo Wild Wings between two friends. One hopelessly pining over the other who didn't have a damn clue. Their chemistry was undeniable from day one as they giggled while buying sex toys from the store and Ethan had never laughed as hard as when Mark's neighbour came to the door and saw him being force-fed. Every video following felt a little more like them again even the ones that didn't do so well. It didn't matter. Views didn't matter, monetization was a ghost haunting a house they no longer occupied. Nothing scared them anymore. 

Sure, Ethan's heart shattered a bit every time Mark would tell him not to touch him or acted like he was repulsed by him but Ethan knew a joke when he heard one. It was all jokes, nothing more than that. And it would probably hurt a bit less if Ethan wasn't going home to an empty bed every night, underneath filled with the dead bodies of the fantasies Ethan imagined of Mark. But he could deal with it and deal with it he did. Mark still inspired him, made him energized to go home and film more streams and videos. It was an unspoken thing between them Ethan believed.

Then one day, Ethan's reality shattered around him into tiny shards of glass that punctured his lungs. And it all was due to an Unus Annus video.

"Look at my huge muscles!" Mark boasted forcing Ethan to roll his eyes, "My muscles are so big and strong, unlike your weak and scrawny muscles!"

Ethan felt a sliver of annoyance cut him but he let it roll off his back. It was Mark's persona he had taken on, annoying douchebag. Ethan knew his ego wasn't as big as he pretended it to be so he let it go.

" _Right_ ," Ethan said sarcastically.

"Can't compete against a man with _five_ ovens!" Mark exclaimed making Ethan snort in amusement.

"Wouldn't even try" Ethan declared still pretending to pay only half-attention.

During the video, Ethan would take one of two stances once Mark started down that narcissistic route. Whether it be ignoring him or mocking him for it. Ethan was over the constant routine but Mark seemed to thrive off of it so he didn't speak up about his disapproval.

Once the video was over, Ethan was sitting at the kitchen table, struggling to unlatch the camera from the tripod as he had done so many times before. Somehow it was glued shut and after a few huffs of annoyance, Ethan began to grunt in frustration.

"What's happening?" Mark questioned, presumably hearing the noises from the couch.

"Fucking—" Ethan muttered, his fingers slipping from the knob as it remained stuck, "—Ugh this is hopeless!"

Mark hurriedly rushed over to his side, eyebrows sliding in amusement as he watched Ethan struggle profusely. Finally, he must have taken pity on him as he reached down and ripped the tripod away from him in one quick sweep.

"Fucking useless" Mark commented, a tiny smirk playing on his face.

But here's the thing...his tone wasn't embellished with the raw intent of teasing. And Ethan's thoughts snagged on his cutting tone loaded with honesty. He gazed at Mark, shock and hurt flooding his system but Mark didn't seem to notice. He easily pried the knob to the left and then screwed it loose.

"Here you go _big boy_ " Mark teased, tossing it at Ethan who in his discomfort nearly didn't catch it.

Ethan gulped slowly. _That_ was the tone Ethan was used to when Mark was joking around with him. He was used to that and could pinpoint each infliction naturally. Mark wandered confidently to his stairs throwing out a mutterance about his editing room and then disappearing. Ethan felt panic rising in his throat as his thoughts consumed him. Was he being too sensitive? Or was Mark truly insulting him back there? 

Ethan couldn't be sure which one it was which left him unsettled and cold. The tripod felt heavy and burdensome in his fidgeting hands as he placed it down on the counter. Ethan ended up shaking off the distant feeling of dread and pulling out his laptop to edit. Trying desperately to forget how eerily similar his tone had been to the snarky, egocentric one he used in their videos.

* * *

A week later when they were due to film again Ethan had forgotten their unusual encounter. Amy had texted him the video idea and Ethan was excited for it to be based around superheroes as he was a gigantic nerd of Marvel and DC comics. He had expected the ridiculous sexist poses and terrible costume choices, what he hadn't expected was Mark's obnoxious attitude peeking through again.

"Some of us are naturally gifted" Mark took an emphasized pause, "and some of us are not and I get that"

"Well _some_ of us don't have to convince ourselves that we are better than others" Ethan quipped without thinking it through.

He stilled suddenly aware that while his tone was slow and drawn out, the sentence itself could be taken as harsh and bitter. Yet when he looked back at Mark he didn't seem all that fazed. Perhaps a bit of shock at the comeback but no hurt or confusion.

"Yeah well, I mean..." Mark commented, "You'll get there someday"

Ethan's eyebrows furrowed, a burn of irritation striking him even as he fell back into his usual character.

"Alright" Ethan deadpanned attempting to add to the joke.

The moment for how awkward it was passed easily even though Ethan's mind was whirling with how prideful Mark had sounded and how quickly he had lost his temper. Maybe this bit was getting to him more than he realized?

It was only until after the shoot that Ethan was confronted with those strong disturbing emotions again when Mark joined him on the couch.

"I'll edit this video" Mark stated, scrolling through Twitter on his phone as he sat down.

"Oh," Ethan said confusedly, "I thought it was my turn"

"Well we wouldn't want it to be late again, would we? Only sure way would be if the superior editor did it" Mark tossed out effortlessly.

There it was again. That tone that didn't sit right in Ethan's stomach. Sent anxious heat spreading like wildfire, igniting distress. An outsider might deem it teasing but Ethan could see under the layers of his words. The arrogance Mark had been displaying in their recent videos was making an appearance again but not in an ironic way. And though Ethan tried to remain introspective in his friendship with Mark, his words hurt. Seeped into the deep crevices of Ethan's mind like a heavy rainfall through a flimsy roof. 

Even in knowing this and feeling shitty Ethan didn't say a single word. A tiny spurt of laughter exited his lips as he made some dumb excuse for having to leave early. Mark didn't see him to the door on the way out like he always used to do.

* * *

After those two instances, every time Ethan was around Mark he was either putting Ethan down or bragging about his own accomplishments. And when it wasn't annoying it was upsetting. Pointing out Ethan's physical flaws that Ethan already judged himself for in the mirror every morning or how Ethan was slow at math even though Mark _knew_ he was dyslexic and had severe ADD. Once upon a time that was something that they bonded over, something that Mark would smile at fondly rather than laugh harshly at. 

Ethan spent his nights recalling when this switch had occurred. When Mark had lost his humble touch. The Mark who called him every night to talk about the new release of video games or sometimes just to check-in. Now he sulked at every text from Mark whether he was complaining about an edit Ethan had made or boasting about the newest talk show he was being presented on. Don't get him wrong, Ethan lived for Mark's success but not when it was all they talked about anymore. 

This went on for weeks, building pressure over time like a volcano sincerely yearning to explode. Life became sombre, replicating the old days where everything blurred together. The days before Mark. Never did he expect the man who gave him inspiration would be the one to steal it away. And worse of all even as Mark headed down this arrogant road Ethan's feelings were thrumming alive. Not fading no matter how desperately he tried. It was different from all the other times because even back then a teeny part of him clasped onto his adoration and he knew he wasn't going to let it go and he was fucking fine with that. Now he wanted them all gone, he wanted to burn his feelings like old photographs and inhale the smoke of their history.

Ethan was angry but mostly he was sad. Sad he lost his best friend to something he seemed to have no control over. And Ethan didn't know how to vocalize his emotions because he wasn't ready for Mark to drop him. Hell, he was already acting like he would be better off without him, maybe even more successful on their solo channel if Ethan left. It was selfish but Ethan craved those black coffee eyes and the sound of Mark's laugh which was as comforting as coming home. But even Ethan had his limits and his vexation couldn't simmer under the surface forever.

* * *

"Late night editing huh?" Mark commented, brewing their third or fourth cup of coffee for the night.

They had been running behind lately on videos and Ethan didn't trust himself to go home because he knew instantly he'd trek up to bed and fall asleep. Work needed to come first this time despite Ethan's discomfort with being trapped near Mark. 

"Unfortunately" Ethan's tone was brittle and wary.

He had become afraid of any response he could give knowing Mark would find a way to criticize him for everything. Thankfully this time Mark just hummed in reply and the slow stream of coffee pouring filled the space in their conversation. Still, Ethan's shoulders remained tense as his fingers clicked on his keyboard adding subtitles to a, particularly funny moment. He nibbled his lip watching himself back, even in their videos he looked sluggish and tired. He dreaded studying their comments these days as their viewers were too attentive. Analyzed his under-eye bags and his discernible twitches when Mark would touch him in any way. His heart throbbed as he remembered how he used to lean into those touches. 

"Here you are sir" Mark appeared in front of him making him shudder.

A cup of steaming coffee was extended towards him and while Ethan dreaded forcing himself to stay awake longer he reached for it. In his exhaustion, his depth perception wavered leading him to loosely grip near the coffee handle but not on it. Without realizing this Mark let go of the coffee cup and in a movie-like slow motion, the cup began to fall through the air. Ethan had the mind to reach out for it as he recognized his mistake and caught the handle so the cup wouldn't shatter unfortunately this made all of the burning coffee splash on Mark, Ethan and the floor.

"Ah, shit!" Ethan exclaimed as his eyes widened and pain spread through his hand and pant legs.

"Goddammit, Ethan!" Mark yelped in agony, bouncing away from the coffee, "You clumsy bastard!"

Ethan's heartstrings twisted uncomfortably as he heard the scowl in Mark's tone. The pain of the coffee was quickly outweighed by the alarm rising in his esophagus. 

"Sorry Mark" he quickly emitted, "I'll clean it up"

"Well obviously!" Mark huffed and rolled his eyes.

Ethan's skin prickled with heat as his vision began to shake. Under all the sleep-deprivation it was hard to tell the looming sensation blooming in his chest. His stomach was stuck in a place between aching and tensing as his hand began to tremble.

"God do you not think anything through?" Mark exclaimed angrily, "You can be so fucking slow sometimes seriously"

Ah. It was complete and utter rage. Remember the whole volcano pressure thing? 

"Aagh!" Ethan yelled, slamming the cup down on the coffee table, magma pouring from his throat.

Silence blossomed like a wildflower between them. For the first time in a long while, Mark was actually speechless. 

"Just—" Ethan waved his arms angrily, having an out-of-body experience, "—shut the fuck up Mark!"

Mark's eyes widened, an intensely bewildered expression shifting onto his face.

"Ethan I—"

"No!" Ethan wiped his burning hands on his pants smearing more coffee on them, "For once you don't get to talk!"

"You are fucking _brutal_ you get that!? I don't get what happened but please just let me in on the secret. When did you become such an arrogant, condescending prick!?"

Mark's mouth gaped as he stuttered backwards from Ethan, "What the hell are you talking about?"

Ethan laughed bitterly, "What am I—? You have got to be shitting me"

A surge of venom rushed through his veins as he grabbed his laptop and slammed it closed, storming over to grab his backpack by the front door.

"Seriously Ethan!? Where are you going?" Mark hollered following him.

"Away!" Ethan shouted, "Away from you and your bullshit! I can't take it anymore Mark, the constant belittling and how fucking full of yourself you are!"

"Belittling—? What the hell are you on about?"

Ethan's eyes narrowed, _"Ethan you're so slow sometimes,_ _Ethan you'll never be as strong as me_ and blah, blah, blah"

Mark opened his mouth but shut it after he realized he had no prompting explantation.

Ethan rolled his eyes and reached for his shoes, "Right"

"I just...I don't understand" Mark's soft tone slipped through and for a second it reminded Ethan of old Mark.

Ethan's gaze flickered up to see the softness of Mark's round eyes, searching Ethan's face for an answer. But Ethan was unravelling fast and his thread had almost run out. 

"Well," Ethan bit the inside of his cheek to stop the quiver of his lip, "It's not my job to make you understand" 

"You're just being so fucking dramatic!" Mark spewed, anger catching back up to him apparently, "And we have fucking work to do Ethan, this is not the time—"

"God you are such an asshole!" Ethan spat, "Your friend is upset at you and all you can think about is fucking _work_?"

Ethan huffed out a laugh of disbelief and strode to the door without hesitation. Mark ran quickly though and slid himself between Ethan and the door. 

"Wait just—fucking wait" Mark held his hands up, eyes dim and pleading.

"I'm done waiting for you Mark" Ethan stated harshly watching as the words seeped into Mark and affected the brightness of his face, "I'd tell you to go fuck yourself but with how highly you think of yourself it wouldn't be much of an insult"

Mark's eyebrows plunged into hard straight lines aiming down. His stance had weakened letting Ethan push past him and grasp the doorknob. The blinding heat swirled around him as he walked out into the dark sweltering night.

* * *

And that's where he ended off. Staring at Mark from his car while his lip quivered uncontrollably. Memories of good times and bad times swirling together in his weary head. He didn't know where they could go from here but he knew where he could go. Far, far away. He sighed deeply and twisted his key into the ignition because for the first time in his life he loathed the man looking back at him.

When he got home, he shoved off his coffee-soaked jeans and hopped into sweatpants. Afterwards, he managed to finish editing through his tears and heartache fuelled by spite and residual resentment. He scowled at each moment in the videos where Mark puffed up his chest and pretended he was the best. At least all the fans thought it was pretending, what a fucking joke. His vision blurred as he scheduled the videos for the next day, exhaustion finally hitting him at three am without the extra coffee.

It was around six am when he woke up to sharp knocking on his front door, soft at first due to the haziness of Ethan's cognitive functions. After only three hours of sleep and emotional pain, he expected to be more drowsy but he was up in a matter of seconds. His brain was still working at snail speed though so while he was physically walking to and opening the door, his thoughts had gone offline as to who could be knocking so early.

All thoughts crisped when he saw the body on the other side.

"Mark" Ethan said pointedly.

Mark huffed out a weak laugh, "You know there was a time where you were excited to see me and would hug me at the door despite my protesting"

Ethan gnawed at his bottom lip, his emotions too raw to be dealing with Mark's self-pity, "That was a long time ago"

Mark flinched at the blankness of Ethan's tone and nodded tinily while he sighed. Scratching the back of his neck he gestured to behind Ethan.

"Could I come in?" Mark quickly added, "Please?"

Ethan eyed him warily as he looked behind him to his couch and then to Mark. Ethan was too tired for another fight but he was also too tired to protest.

"Fine"

Mark exhaled deeply as if he was stressing out while Ethan contemplated his request. It sparked an odd sense of emotion within Ethan that he buried deep down. Mark strode in slowly as if he wasn't certain he belonged there even though he had spent many a night on this couch once upon a time. Ethan wiped at his face, hoping the dried tears on his cheeks hadn't stained his porcelain skin. He didn't want to give Mark the satisfaction of knowing he got to him emotionally.

Mark wrung his hands together as he sat down cautiously onto the sunken couch still warm with Ethan's body heat while Ethan flopped down with little poise. After a couple of seconds of quiet Ethan raised an eyebrow knowing that he was losing precious moments of sleep while Mark just stared at him instead of talking.

"So?" Ethan prompted.

Mark's eyes fluttered away and his cheeks tinted pink. Ethan tried to hide his shock at seeing Mark bashful, or perhaps even shameful?

"I don't know what happened" Mark admitted gently, staring at his hands, "Really that's not an excuse or anything I just...don't fucking know"

"Mark" Ethan said losing his patience a bit, "What are you trying to say?"

Mark smoothed a hand down his face as he sighed dejectedly, "I thought about what you said, and I realized how fucking horrible I've been treating you and I tried to rationalize it to myself using stress or burnout for an excuse but...that wasn't the reason"

Ethan's eyebrows raised, interest piqued as he brought his legs up to sit cross-legged on the couch. After releasing his anger earlier, he had lost that thrum of intense heat under his skin. A cooling calm had replaced it and left him more open to listening. 

"The real reason is so fucking stupid" Mark laughed humourlessly, "You're going to think I'm a dumbass"

" _I've_ never judged you, Mark," Ethan said, eyes narrowing viciously.

Mark recoiled at his tone and he gulped, the shade of his cheeks darkened, "You're right and I took that for granted"

Ethan pushed away any compassion he had left. He needed to make Mark prove himself rather than forgive him at the first sign of change.

"What was the reason, Mark?" Ethan pushed trying to stay on track.

Mark bit at his lip and the blush spread down his neck as he evaded eye contact.

"Mark?" Ethan said with ease rather than hastiness.

"Just...know that this doesn't have to change anything ok?" Mark prefaced hastily.

Ethan was taken aback at the change in character. Mark was never nervous, he was calm and collected and always knew the right thing to say. But now he was stuttering and looked like any wrong movement from Ethan would make him run.

"I need you to promise me you won't stop being...here ok?" Mark urged.

"Mark—" Ethan attempted to question his intentions.

"—Just promise me" Mark stated, more a beg than a demand.

Ethan sighed, Mark might have done a bunch of shit but hell if he didn't still trust him enough to give him this. Besides all this did was push his curiosity further about what Mark was hiding.

"Ok, I promise" Ethan nodded and then motioned for him to get on with it.

Mark rubbed his palms on his jeans shakily staring at the ground rather than Ethan.

"I started acting like a jackass because I was worried you would find out—" Mark bit his lip but looked resolute to finish his sentence, "—find out my actual feelings for you"

Ethan's heart stuttered in his chest, he didn't mean...did he? That wasn't possible Ethan's feelings had always been one-sided and Mark was so direct why didn't he ever say anything?

"Feelings?" Ethan squeaked, his throat crammed with multiple thoughts aching to pour out.

Mark lost the last of his composure and began to babble, "I buried my feelings down so fucking far but you were always _there_ being...well being _you_ and I think I just felt so fucking scared I was going to fuck everything up that I managed to convince myself that pushing you away was the best thing I could do for our friendship"

He took a huge breath after spouting out his entire thought with little air. Ethan laughed a little breathlessly as colour popped up on his cheeks.

"Mark," Ethan shook his head amusedly, "That makes no fucking sense"

"I know!" Mark exclaimed combing worried fingers through his dark hair, "I just couldn't stand the thought of losing you yet that's what I fucking ended up doing"

A burst of affection implanted under coats of anger and melancholy struck Ethan as he stared at Mark. It didn't make up for his bullshit whatsoever but the knowledge that he liked Ethan _that_ way dissolved some of the hurt.

"So you—" Ethan just needed to confirm...he fucking _needed_ too, "—You like me? More than a friend?"

Mark's next exhale came out shaky but he didn't combat the slight nod of his head gazing into Ethan's eyes like he was baring his soul open. Giddy despite the rest of the circumstances Ethan laughed deliriously.

"All this fucking time _you_ liked _me_ " Ethan shook his head tinily, "And I was so fucking sure it was just me"

Mark tensed noticeably as his eyes enlarged, popping out of his head, "Wait a fucking minute you—you too?" 

Ethan allowed a little smile to appear on his face, "Guilty as charged"

Mark's mouth fell open and a stream of perplexed laughs flowed out, "Well fuck me then"

Mark stared at Ethan with wonder and awe, sending sparks of electricity through Ethan's nerves. He wasn't cowering anymore now that both of their dirty laundries had been aired out. Ethan smirked aching to make a dirty comment only for it to be diluted by the reminder of all the pain Mark had caused him these last couple weeks.

"You know your version of pulling pigtails on the playground fucking sucks Mark," Ethan said honestly, a sad smile replacing his fond one, "You really hurt me"

" I'm really sorry about that Ethan," Mark said genuinely, his eyes sinking, "And I will continue to be sorry about that for the rest of my life"

Ethan waited a few moments breathing the apology in as a wave of relief passed over him. This was the Mark he had been waiting for rather than the Mark he could touch and see but never have. Now he was attainable and deeply sorry for his actions which was really all Ethan could ask for. 

"Good" a small smirk slipped onto his face, "Asshole"

A relieved smile displaced Mark's troubled frown as he stared affectionately at Ethan, who was regaining his sense of purpose through those damn crinkles around Mark's mouth. It would take him a while to believe Mark fully again, to accept that he was truthful and kind and wouldn't pull some dumb shit. And though he told Mark the opposite, he was willing to wait and learn and eventually trust. Because fifteen year old him knew just as well as twenty-three-year-old him. Mark held all of his stars and Ethan couldn't live with a bleak, empty sky.


End file.
